Hate
by xXx defying gravity xXx3
Summary: Kitty has a secret, she hates herself. Yeah, she really freaking hates herself. So she tears everyone else down. That makes her hate herself some more. WARNING: MAY BE TRIGGERING. DEALS WITH EATING DISORDERS AND SEXUAL ASSAULT. Also, I can't edit well. You don't have to read it if it makes you uncomfortable.


**Disclaimer: I don't own GLEE**

**Everyone is kind of badmouthing Kitty. So I've decided to give a bit of feeling to her, even though Ryan most likely will. **

**Based on how she was making fun of Marley's mom. **

**_Warnings: Eating disorders and cussing, and abuse. _  
**

* * *

Kitty was a bitch.

She would admit it herself if you asked her. She **was **a bitch. She loved to tear people down. Like that sweet gay kid, and Marley's mom. They'd never done anything to harm her, of course. But they are an easy target, so she tries to tear them down.

Why did Kitty do this? The answer is simple: She was jealous.

Yes, she was jealous. She isn't stupid, and she knows that jealousy doesn't justify her behavior. What she said about them was cruel, and it couldn't be justified by her simply being jealous.

You're probably wondering why she was jealous? That also has a simple answer.

Kitty's life sucks.

Again, that doesn't justify her actions.

But it's the reason she's so mean. Her life sucks and she has to hide her pain some how. So she tears people down. She fakes smirks and bitchy glares; she's wearing a mask.

She hates Marley and her mother.

It's obvious that Marley has a great relationship with her mother; the way Marley snapped when they cracked jokes about her mom's weight. It was amazing, and Kitty knows that she would never have the courage to do that.

Kitty doesn't think she has any courage to be frank.

When Marley stormed away with tears in her eyes, Kitty wanted to follow. She wanted to follow those nerdy glee club kids so bad. She felt terrible and her stomach had that feeling it always gets when she gets too mean.

It starts twisting and turning, and for a minute Kitty is sure she'll puke.

She kind of wished she would. She deserved it, after all.

She didn't follow. Instead she just slipped on the bitchy mask again and smirked at the football player next to her.

She's jealous of Marley, so that means Marley deserves to hurt. Right?

Kitty has never had a relationship with her mother. Her parents divorced after her father started fucking the maid. They were a wealthy family, both of her parents held a large fortune.

Now, she's at her dad's house on weekdays and at her mom's on weekends. Her mother never has time for her, because of business or whatever she's doing these days.

Kitty doesn't know, because her mother is constantly in and out, and Kitty doesn't keep up anymore.

Her father, well he's a different story. He wears a bigger mask than Kitty. He's a successful business man. He's also an alcoholic, but no one knows that side of him.

Well, Kitty does.

Most nights he comes home drunk. He usually has a new woman wrapped in his arms, and they'll go upstairs. When that happens, Kitty has to put her earphones in and sing herself to sleep.

Yes, Kitty loves to sing. She would never join that glee club though. It's nerdy, and she doesn't want to be a nerd.

She tries to sing her problems away, every night.

Some nights her dad will come home alone. He's still drunk, and he'll release all of his anger out on Kitty. When he hits her though, he makes sure to stay away from the face.

He doesn't want to lose Kitty to her mother after all.

The worst thing is that sometimes he'll relieve his sexual tension out on Kitty. That's the thing that Kitty hates the most.

He never has sex with her. He just touches her and watches her.

It disgusts Kitty with every fiber of her being.

Those are the nights where she **really** has to sing herself to sleep.

The other reason she hates Marley, is because of her body. Marley is stick thin and Kitty just doesn't understand it. Marley's mom isn't thin, and Marley eats a fair amount.

Yet she's so skinny and it pisses Kitty off.

Kitty hates her body. She hates her body so much. She always wakes up and hour early so she can stare at herself in the mirror.

She has fat things, fat arms, and a pudgy stomach. Kitty hates the way her hips protrude out, and she can grab a handful of fat. Marley has a thigh gap, skinny arms, and a concave stomach.

It doesn't help that she's sexually abused by her father, but she's hated herself since 6th grade. She hated herself before her parents divorce and before Marley came to Lima.

She throws up every night before she goes to bed and she binges any chance she can get. She's still _**so** _fat and it really isn't fair. Why can't she be skinny like Marley?

No one knows about her problem because she's a pro at hiding it. She hides it with bitchy comments and the intense bullying. It still doesn't justify her behavior, but it keeps her from falling apart.

She's pretty sure her mother is aware. That was one of rare times her mother actually communicated with her. She grabbed Kitty's arm after a particularly loud purge.

"You can't let anyone know about this little problem of yours. You'll ruin our good name, Katherine!" She hissed in her only daughter's ear. So, yeah, her mother sure did care a lot.

If Marley had an eating disorder, her mother would care.

Yeah, she would care. She would comfort Marley, and Marley would get the help she deserved.

Kitty deserves help too. But she doesn't get it, and that pisses her off.

Everyone expects her to be the new head bitch. Sue Sylvester is constantly calling her "the new Quinn Fabray."

That upsets her even more. She's seen Quinn Fabray in pictures. In middle school boys even talked about her excessively. Quinn Fabray was perfect! She was literally perfect; she had the perfect face and perfect body. She was smart and she even managed to get excepted into Yale!

Kitty couldn't live up to that. She was having a hard time in Algebra 1! How could she ever get into such a prestigious school?

Even the Kurt kid was going places. He's talented, and fashionable. She hates him too. He's so much better than she is, and it isn't fair! So, as usual, she makes snide remarks at him whenever she can.

She hates the look on his face, but she can't let him think that he's better than she is.

Even if he is.

Kitty just hates so much. She's bitter, and she knows it.

She hates Marley, Kurt, and Quinn Fabray.

She hates herself.

She hates how much she whines.

She even hates how much she hates everything.

* * *

So the day ends the same...

She stands in front of the mirror for thirty minutes, just prodding her stomach. She stuffs her face. She Sticks her finger down her throat, and waits for everything to come up.

She goes to sleep.

And in the morning, she'll wake up, smile at the mirror, and put her pretty little mask on.

She's ready to hate herself some more.

* * *

**_A bit darker than I expected it to be. I haven't checked the Kitty stories, but I don't doubt that this plot has been used. So I'm sorry if my story is a bit similar to anyone else's story. _**

**_I have personal experience with an eating disorder, so I dwelled on that a bit more. _**

**_I just think that Kitty would be that cliche girl. The one who's mean to everyone but who's meaner to herself. _**

**_I KNOW that the mistakes are probably numerous. If anyone would like to help me edit, I'd appreciate that. I, personally can't edit to save my life. _**

**_Thank you for reading, and please review!_**


End file.
